Winter doldrums

This is my antidote. I use my summer sunscreen as a moisturizer, and throughout the day whenever I catch a whiff, I think of warm sun and summer. It’s a little head game that works 99% of the time. Sometimes, on a winter mail boat ride to the mainland, I will get asked, “Barb, are you wearing your Coppertone today?” It’s nice to know there are a few people who count on me for my quirks.

This has been one hell of a snowy winter so far, and we have not even had to deal with half the snow that people in other states have seen.  It’s pretty and somewhat novel considering we had about 2 snowstorms last winter and they were both in December of  ’09.

Bruce and I worked on getting tax figures together this morning, I took some photos when we walked before lunch, worked on my own tax stuff this afternoon and then had a massage. It sounds pretty ideal doesn’t it? But, this was one of those 1% days, when the Coppertone seemed to have no effect. No matter what I did I could not stop the downhill slide of my mood. I know what caused it and I am embarrassed to admit it. When I looked at my gross income from jewelry sales, and factored in all my expenses from supplies, periodicals, books, shipping, in-kind donations to non-profits, a conference at Purdue, and a workshop in Vermont, I had my lowest net income in many years. The two numbers were almost even. Thank god we are not relying on this to run our household right now. Bruce is not so worried since we file a joint return and he is happy to have me share my many expenses and low income as a counterbalance to his good year of catching lobsters. But my self confidence was trashed by a stupid number, and all I could think was that I sucked as an artist. The massage felt great, of course, but I was so low I think I allowed it to spread the toxin of self doubt throughout my body in a nice even layer.

Sometimes the only thing to do for a mood like this is to post a few snowy photos and go to bed. Tomorrow is a whole new day and I am spending it off the island. (I’d rather stay home, so that projection is not helping my mood either.) Yikes. I better stop this before my friend Susan tells me it’s time to call in the “Whaaaaambulance.” (whaa whaa whaa.)  It’s a fine line between self pity and feeling like a turd; both optional and totally unproductive. It’s time to suck it up and reapply the sunscreen.


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4 responses to “Winter doldrums

  1. well, of course you know, too, that the economy was in the CRAPPER in the last year and a half, also…nobody has been buying ANYTHING, really.

    you are truly extraordinary, and a great inspiration to me. as Saul Bell #6 again-and-again, i would like to remind you that Saul thinks you’re pretty great, too!
    slather on that coppertone today, my friend!!!!


    • Barb Fernald

      Oh my sweet friend, You are right about that lousy economy. Not to mention that the price of silver doubled sending the cost of silver clay through the roof!
      Ha ha. Saul Bell #6 gave me a good laugh. I forgot about that. You too have been #6 twice!
      This morning is a whole new day and I feel fine. I’m headed off on the 8:15 boat to spend time with Mom and buy a little gift for my son Robin and his fiancee Stephanie. We’re supposed to fly out of Portland on Wednesday to see them in Baltimore. (!) Yup, I’ve seen the weather reports. Coppertone, here I come!


  2. Susan White

    Somehow I knew you’d be feeling better today Barb and am glad to hear it. I love that you are so honest. Hey, don’t forget the Calgon too!
    I haven’t sent Chris on the mission yet. Today I jumped to cleaning up(First time ever…(some stuff washes up real well!) and ordering refills for dried arrangements in a couple of baskets I made oh, …30 years ago. I dream up these projects in bed I guess. Focus Focus.
    Good luck with the Wed. should be ok if you get out early. Have a great time.


    • Barb Fernald

      Hi Susan,
      We just switched our flight from Wed. afternoon to Wed 6 a.m. Hoping to get out before the storm. Will spend tomorrow night in Portland.
      Calgon! take me away!! (Thanks for the reminder!!)


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